Episode #11 – Kazaam, Lily & The Snowman, Avatar

Vote for your most hated movie EVER (of the week) here:

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Shazaam
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Lily and the Snowman
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Avatar

Shaq Kazaam

The only thing more confusing than the ending to Kazaam is the movie poster:

We discuss both in the episode so I won’t go into spoilers.

Not only did Shaq go on to have an incredibly successful rap career, but he dabbled in martial arts as well.  It’s a shame the NBA, Hollywood, and his rap career got in the way, as we’ll never know how dominant he would have been as an MMA fighter.

If his moves in Shaq Fu are any indication, Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn are lucky he never made the leap to UFC in the mid-late 90’s! By the way, those are two REAL men if you ask me!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of Shaq Fu from your local video game retailer! If you are lucky enough to get a copy that is! You could always rent it from the video store too I guess.

We All Like Trailers

But please stop wasting our time with annoying advertisements, animated shorts, and movie trailers that are not relevant to the audience of the movie about to be shown.

Movie theatres are getting away with murder! LITERALLY! I know how to use the word literally, alright? You use it in a sentence when you are describing something that isn’t literal. That way people know you mean business.

It is also acceptable to use it when describing something mundane and average, like an everyday task. I mean, what’s gonna happen if your coworkers don’t believe you took out the garbage earlier that morning? Let’s take a look at these two sentences:

“I took out the garbage this morning.”

“I LITERALLY took out the garbage this morning.”

Who are you gonna believe there? You shouldn’t need to tag the word “literally” onto the back of everything you say,  but if you don’t, people might not believe anything you say! Literally!

Avatar: The Last Time I Paid To See A James Cameron Directed Film Bender

Here’s the thing about Avatar, if you like it, you’re probably a sissy.

I wish Sigourney Weaver played Ripley from the Alien franchise in this movie. Then the Xenomorphs would’ve followed her to Pandora, with Predator in hot pursuit.

For once, we might’ve seen Predator and Xenomorph kind teaming up! It can’t be that hard to take out the Na’vi. They’re like big blue feline things aren’t they? Just get them when they are taking a dump in the litter box! How hard is that?

I bet if Umbrella Corporation was running this operation, they could’ve got the job done. Wesker wouldn’t even need help from Predator or Xenomorph aliens. They could’ve wiped out all the Na’vi, wrecked the planet, and then just left!

Corporations are purely evil for the sake of being evil. Have we not learned anything from Resident Evil, Captain Planet, and VR Troopers?

Let’s look at the main bad guy from VR Troopers: Karl Ziktor. He looks harmless. Why, he is just the billionaire owner of Ziktor Industries after all. Nothing to see here.

Think he’s just an innocent business tycoon?  Think again!

That is Ziktor after he has transformed into his true form, Grimlord!

Every corporation has a Grimlord pulling the strings. LITERALLY!

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