Vote for your most hated movie EVER (of the week) here:
One of the biggest hallmarks of being a REAL man is admitting when you’ve done something wrong.
So for this post I’d like to start out with a personal apology.
For whatever reason I saw it fit to take my eyes off Muller for just a few moments, and the first chance he gets the weaselly cunt takes it upon himself to write the post for the second episode. I can imagine the severe nausea as each and every reader suffered through that one.
I take full responsibility for this.
It’s bad enough we let him speak during the episodes, when he should just be turning dials. But now I’ve slipped up and actually let him start writing too!
So please dear readers, feel my regret and know that I am deeply sorry.
But now let’s embark towards the road to forgiveness with a new episode and new HATE!
Muller starts by driving us down to a more spiritual place, with God’s Not Dead.
And I do mean “driving us down”, because although I’ve never personally seen it, it sounds like a real fucking wreck. Nothing better than a bunch of Christian propaganda disguised as a movie that paints every non-believer as a complete and total asshole.
I half expect that slippery fuck Muller brought this in as a foot in the door for his staunch religious agenda. Though he fails to remember that the internet is made up of proud degenerates like me, who keep driving it back to a state of complete debauchery that resembles downtown Detroit circa Robocop era.
But fret not, after Jesus takes the wheel for Muller’s segment, I punch that loser in the face, kick his ass out the driver-side door, and watch his frail body tumble in the rear-view mirror as I drive some real hate towards the Cineplex Magazine!
You see dear readers, as much as Muller embarrassed me with the post last time, he really inspired me in the episode itself.
You see I didn’t realize that when we started making a podcast about movies, that pretty much everything in this world is actually a movie regardless of length, episodic structure, vision, character investment, filming techniques, sub plots, story/character evolution over time, and whether or not it’s actually a movie at all.
Thank goodness he has enlightened us all. So now when we run out of ideas just a couple episodes into the podcast, we can just bloviate about whatever dumb thing happens to be infesting our minds that day.
This also allowed me to spew poison all over the dumpster lining that is the Cineplex Magazine. So perhaps I will humble myself and say thanks to Muller for that. I sure as fuck am not happy about it though.
For reference, here is the magazine in question:
If that doesn’t make you want to burn every copy you can find, I don’t know what will.
Then finally Braden uses this podcast as a vehicle to yet again crash into another needless Hollywood remake, as he brings us to the 2012 Red Dawn.
In the first episode post, I made the prediction that this podcast would probably devolve into us just bitching about movie reboots. Apparently Braden seems determined to get us there a lot quicker than I thought, as he has used every episode thus far to shit on these shameless cash grabs.
At this rate if Braden is not careful, Hollywood is gonna see this many installments of this trend in our podcast and feel it also needs to be rebooted into a movie. And I’m the kind of person that will sellout everyone around me if I benefit in someway. I’ll happily take their blood money and run.
So that’s all for now fuckheads!
Another exciting installment of Real Movies with REAL Men in the fucking bag! Make sure to flex the bicep muscles in your finger real hard as you click to vote on your Most Hated Movie EVER (of the week)!