Episode #12 – Real Off-Topics With REAL Men, Clapping in the Theater

The ability to lie is nature’s greatest gift to man.

If you think you aren’t lying your ass off all the time, then you’re lying to yourself. Which is still great, so don’t worry.

Know how to play a few chords on guitar? You’re a musician. Go outside a few times a week? You’re an athlete. Post an MP3 online every couple of weeks that no one listens to? You run a successful podcast.

As long as some form of delusion is being perpetuated for your own selfish gain, then you’ll be OK.

These are the kinds of deceptions you should be purporting ALL THE TIME. That broad isn’t gonna wanna bang if she thinks you are who you actually are.

Another example, today I’ve lead you to believe that our movie podcast was gonna be about movies; when in actuality we tip-toe around the subject matter like Muller does a hard day’s work.

I’d say I’m sorry about that, but I prefer my lies to be a little less obvious.


This episode has basically the same cohesion as the script to Cool World. Actually that’s a lie; there’s at least one portion of the episode that justifies the Real Movies With REAL Men title. Which makes it 10,000 times more focused than Gabriel Byrne trying to fuck a cartoon character.

How’s that for a topical reference?

The portion I speak of is Braden’s contempt for all you morons clapping at the movie in the theatre.

While I generally encourage enthusiasm towards my beloved medium, it’s hard for me to see you applauding at the end of Rogue One, and not think of a retarded person banging his hands together compulsively in excitement over the sight of a shiny object.

Muller confesses that he might be one of these morons, but I’m pretty sure it’s less about his enthusiasm towards the movie, and is actually just his inability to sit still for more than 38 seconds at a time.

Though maybe they’re all just clapping in support of the greasy teenager running the movie projector. Hey, don’t make fun. It may not be the respected position it was in the days of film projection, but asking a millennial to hit the play button is a considerable amount of more work than he expects in order to earn a paycheque.

Not all heroes wear capes, and some heroes are so annoying to be around that you relegate them to some shitty task in the back so you don’t have to look at them anymore.

Get fucked.

And thus concludes another exciting installment of Real Meandering With REAL Men; your reward for surviving another two weeks in a world where we can no longer make fun of people for being born a certain way.

You’re welcome.

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