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Well this is embarrassing…

There’s nothing worse than another person catching you with a “OH MY GOD! YOU’VE NEVER SEEN  _____”. Clearly using this gotcha as a display of political positioning in the great game of social hierarchy that is our lives.

But now I must admit a story of great shame…

Up until this week I had never seen Top Gun.

I’ve heard the references. Maverick, Iceman, volleyball, and… weird teeth? But when the references go any further I’m always forced to play my hand and admit to having never seen it. The bewilderment from others reactions has always pushed me to the bottom of the pecking order.

But don’t be fooled, this story isn’t shameful because I hadn’t seen Top Gun. The reality is, I feel a great sense of shame only now for having actually watched it.

This movie fucking sucks and I’m embarrassed to now be a part of the social dreg that have seen it. Honestly, what kind of loser gets excited about a bunch of sweaty bros singing karaoke spliced between scenes of jets doing nothing? Let’s get the record straight, it’s you who should be ashamed for liking this shit.

So to all those who still haven’t seen top gun, the next time you get called out with a “OH MY GOD! YOU’VE NEVER SEEN TOP GUN!”, you just fire right back with a “OH MY GOD! YOU’VE SEEN TOP GUN!”

Let’s take it back, and Make Top Gun Shameful Again.

END