Episode #7 – Spirited Away, “Based On A True Story”, Sadako VS Kayako

Vote for your most hated movie EVER (of the week) here:

Spirited Away
“Based On A True Story”
Sadako VS Kayako

What are morals if not just the roadblocks of life?

A wise man once said this to me and since that time my life was forever carved of its stone. He spoke it quietly but with conviction, turned his back to me and walked away, never to be seen again.

That man… was me.

I have forever used these words to forge the steel that would allow me to chop down entire cultures and their dumb traditions. It’s what allows me to speak down to my closest friends and shit all over the dumb movies they love.

And today that movie is Spirited Away.

OH, that transition!

That’s right weeaboos! This week I bring in your most well regarded anime to piss and shit all over. Though something tells me you might be into that sorta thing.

You see while I may be the moral-less wonder you’ve all grown to depend on, even I have a limit when it comes to what is considered too perverted.

And that limit is anime.

Listen as I make the indisputable argument that all anime is nonsensical filth that should call for the same incarcerations that you’d get from a hard drive full of kiddy porn.

Bet you were at least a little bit scared to click on that link.

Muller gets a little sweaty with all the talk about little girls working in a fucking bathhouse so we have to move on to his Most Hated Movie EVER (of the week), “based on a true story”…

That’s right, the phrase, not a movie called based on a true story.

Muller’s ineptitude at bringing in a movie actually leads to an interesting conversation about the value of based on a true story movies. Unfortunately it’s a conversation guided by the whims of Muller’s logic.

The key to Muller logic is that it always sounds like something that might make sense, but is at the same time completely incomprehensible. Perhaps that’s why he’s so into c̶o̶m̶p̶l̶e̶t̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶g̶u̶s̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶l̶l̶e̶g̶a̶l̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶-̶a̶l̶l̶e̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶n̶e̶t̶ ̶p̶o̶r̶n̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶i̶c̶k̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶v̶e̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶  anime.

Lastly Braden brings in Sadako VS Kayako.

I was excited at first judging by its’ title that Braden too had brought in some depraved anime that would allow us to continue ripping on perverts. But as it turns out it’s just the most unnecessary crossover of all time.

See, what the movie should actually be titled is “The Creepy Chick From The Ring VS The Creepy Chick From The Grudge”. WHY CAN’T THE JAPANESE JUST CONFORM TO MY ENGLISH STANDARDS ALL THE TIME COMPLETELY JUST FOR MY CONVENIENCE!? Selfish bastards.

Normally I respect Braden’s reasoning, mostly by default compared to Muller’s reasoning, but this time I’m not so sure. The more he talks about it, the more this movie sounds so completely stupid that it might be brilliant!

Fortunately my lack of morals allows me to have friends that I have absolutely no respect for. Or else I might have ended up a depressed weirdo who only spends his time watching movies instead of bettering his life like every other person around him. Oh…

Fuck off!

And so concludes another extra perverted edition of Real Movies with REAL Men! Don’t forget, the only people that don’t vote above on their Most Hated Movie EVER (of the week) are hated by all!





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